UPSIDE DOWN

Before I started writing, I checked on my clock and it was ten minutes before 2 in the morning, yes, that was right. I just finished ta

king a bath (yes, that was right again) and somehow cleaned my clattered room, ang hirap kasi matulog na ang dumi ng kwarto eh. If you are curiously asking bakit gising pa ako sa mga oras na ito, I would try to explain by telling you a short story, friends toi, ting and ta came over to

 our abode para tumambay, it’s actually out of the plan. One week na rin kasi kaming di masyadong nagkakausap…medyo busy din kasi ang mga buhay naming (feeler mode). Ting ang toi went to our house late afternoon yesterday and they eventually invited me to hang out. To cut the story short, naisipan ko na sa amin na lang tumambay para at least at ease ang parents ko na ok lang ako, may sakit pa naman mama ko, I don’t want her to worry. So ‘yun, tumambay kami, nag-usap, kumain, nagtawanan, same as to what we usually do, and for the nth time, we never realized that it was late already, kung di lang sinundo si toi ng kuya niya.

            Well, late afternoon of yesterday (I find it weird to call it YESTERDAY kasi parang part pa rin siya ng same day eh….whatever it is…laughs..confusing), I feel so pre-occupied for a lot of reasons, na status ko pa nga yun sa facebook account ko eh. Ewan ko ba bakit ang dami kung iniisip, kahit ano-ano na lang tumatakbo sa isip ko, anything under the sun, may it be my concern or otherwise. But I think okay na rin yun kasi kahit papano na exhaust ko yung utak ko sa araw na yun and lately parang na feel ko na it was so drained para mag isip pa ng kung ano-anong mga bagay.

            I actually attended a village-based-mass-like celebration which is called in visaya “KASAULOGAN SA PULONG” around 8 in the evening yesterday with those friends mentioned above, and I guess marami akong nakuha from it, to share some of it, it says that all of the things in this world is temporary, it will soon vanish, nothing is ours to keep, so simple lang naman ang mensahe na natutunan ko and it’s to make the most out of what we got, na pahalagahan ang bawat bagay na meron tayo, and most especially, pahalagahan ang mga taong nasa paligid nati. We should know its magnitude and its vitality. Tama nga naman, life is too short to be wasted on crap, hindi maling magkamali pero dapat we make sure that we learn from it. Ryan Seacrest, the host of the well-know American Idol (which is my fav TV reality show..lol), once said that life is like a pencil in which it has an eraser to erase our mistakes and write again. Maaring tama yong sinabi nya, but I guess not at all times, kasi sa buhay natin di naman talaga nabubura ang bawat pagkakamaling nagawa natin eh, maaring pwede natin tong itama at ituwid pero ang burahin ito? Paano? In what way can we do it? Diba parang imposible rin. We are just people who are prone to mistakes, at ang bawat pagkakamali natin ay tatatak sa bawat istorya ng ating buhay, there’s really no way para ma.erase yong mga yun, nangyari na kasi eh, di ganun kadali yun.

As long as we know how to accept our mistakes and learn from it, and as long as we know how to correct it, we would surely experience genuine happiness. Di rin kasi pwedeng magpakalunod tayo sa mga pagkakamaling nagawa natin eh, okay lang at normal ang pagsisihan natin ang mga maling yun pero kailangan rin nating tanggapin ang sitwasyon para maka move on tayo. I always believe that every one of us will experience a downfall in our lives, ang importante ay dapat matuto tayong tumayo at magpatuloy sa ating laban at tanggapin na minsan kailangan nating matalo para malasap ang sinasabi nilang tagumpay. Success will be more meaningful kung pinaghirapan mo talaga, diba?

            I learned to accept reality little by little, kahit sa ganitong pamamaraan at least I can assure myself na darating ang panahon na matatanggap ko rin ang katotohanan, ang katotohanan na may mga bagay na gustong-gusto mo ngunit di talaga nakalaan sayo, na may mga taong sobrang minahal at pinagkatiwalaan mo ngunit tatalikuran ka lang, na may mga pagkakataon na kailangan mong magparaya at umintindi kahit mahirap at masakit.

            (long pause...................)

            So much of my serious thoughts na kahit saan-saan na pumupunta, sighs, nafefeel ko talaga ang pagiging incoherent ko sa mga panahong ito. Naalala ko lang bigla that later this day is Pacquiao’s bout with (ooopsss..sorry, I really forgot the name of his opponent), for sure titigil na naman ang mundo ng ilang mga Pilipino, and even the other races, if not all. And naalala ko rin na magsisimba pa ako mamaya. (Laughs).

            Hindi ko masyado gusto tong nasulat ko ngayon, (uu, kini.critict ko rin sarili ko), moody din kasi ako eh when it comes to writing eh, there are really times na parang naka.buntot sa akin yong mga ideya and times na pinipilit ko lang magsulat para patayin ang oras, gaya nito, hinihintay ko lang talaga kasi na antukin ako at matuyo yong buhok ko (is it a perfect excuse??laughs), sabi kasi dun sa coffee commercial na bawal daw matulog pag basa ang buhok mo kasi daw baka masira ang mata mo, sira pa naman ang mata ko, sisirain ko pa ba more?? (LOL). Pero di nga, I think I had written all the thoughts that I want to share at this very moment, pero I think marami pa talaga akong di nasasabi o mga bagay na di ko alam pano sabihin. Pero okay lang, I will just keep it to myself as of now, and pag medyo nasa mood na ako, for sure maishashare ko na yun. I think that would be all. Adios!

(timeline copied from my multiply account; posted late)

POINTS AND VIEWS

Gusto ko na sanang matulog ng maisip ko na parang may isang bagay ako na name-miss kong gawin, it actually took me a minute or two bago ko narealize that it was writing that I want to do again. So with no hesitation, I opened MS Word and started writing. I tried to think of what particular topic would I write about, and after thinking I came up with no concrete idea, until I started writing randomly about the things I felt.

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It’s flattering to know that you are been envied by people, especially when you are doing nothing, I mean with you being just you. I don’t actually want to think that it is something worth bragging, but it’s just really funny to see people trying to find ways of pulling you down and eventually finding themselves on the pit, trying to pick up their shattered self. Sila lang din naman ang masasaktan sa huli eh, cause they’re living with their insecurities which is a big NO-NO for me. I would admit that I wish for things in life, both material and not, but I dwell on what I have, I use my skills and the good opportunities around me to somehow enjoy the things I long to have and experience.

Being bitter on someone’s success is one eminent shrug I always see on Filipinos, and ayaw kong mag hugas kamay sa bagay na yan, minsan talaga ang sarap ng feeling na ikaw ang nasa lugar nila, who wouldn’t choose to be on Manny Pacquiao’s shoes, right? Or Warren Buffet’s either? Sabi nila kung mangangarap ka, i.todo muna, tama ba yun? Itotodo mo ba kahit alam mong di talaga possible? Stupid,diba? Sa akin lang naman, kung mangangarap ka na lang, yong alam mong balang araw kaya mong abutin. Mahirap kayang umasa, mahirap masaktan.

Aminin man natin o hindi alam natin na iba-iba talaga ang kapalaran ng tao, may mga taong nagtatagumpay dahil nakapagtapos ng pag-aaral. Meron din namang nagtatagumpay kahit hindi nakapagtapos. Depende lang kasi yan sa drive mo eh, depende sa talino at kakayahan mo, if graduate ka nga pero utak mo sing liit lang naman ng kamatis, saan ka pupulutin nyan? Ooopsss…wala akong pinatatamaan ha??? (Bato2x sa langit ang tamaan wag magalit). Ako nga, I knew a lot who finished school but still futile. Kasi nga naman napaka.batugan. And unexpectedly, my brother quoted something that he once told me, “Maraming nabubuhay sa diskarte…..kaysa sa talino”. Tama nga naman, depende yan sa diskarte mo, but it would be an added point kung matalino ka rin, though I believe that everyone of us has that intelligence already, di lang talaga nadedevelop.

If a person is successful in one field it doesn’t mean na magiging successful ka din doon, kung ganun eh lahat ng tao pareho na ng tinatahak na daan,magkakasiksikan na diba? You should see another road and try to check its viability and feasibility. Minsan kasi yong “takot” natin ang pumipigil at humahadlang sa atin. As what my favorite author would say “the greatest fear one should have is FEAR itself”. I think there’s nothing wrong with being risky, wag lang pasobraan, anything in excess is really bad.

Lagi kong sinasabi na ang tunay na warrior(ano ba ang tagalog ng WARRIOR??laughs) ay alam kung kelan umatras sa laban, sabi naman ng isa kong kakilala na dapat daw kung warrior ka you should risk everything that you have even with the slightest possibility, here we can apply the law of being on the middle, or the law of balance, maaring tama yong sinabi nya pero para sa akin it’s really unwise and wrong. Bakit mo itataya ang konting posibilidad na yan kung alam mong ikakapahamak mo diba? Since alam mo paano mag-isip at mag-weigh ng bagay-bagay, bakit ‘di mo gamitin ang kakayahan nay an diba? Better prepare for the next fight, right? Kaysa naman igugol mo ang panahon mo sa kakalaban sa labang ‘di ka sigurado, why not prepare for the greater battle ahead. And this time mag-plano ka na, at ibahin mo ang iyong strategy, that’s not being coward, that’s being WISE. Ang problema lang kasi sa ibang tao, di kayang tumanggap ng pagkatalo, feeling nila pag umatras sila ay nakakabawas ito sa pagkatao nila. Ang opinion ko dito? ‘Di kawalan ang pagsuko, kung sa pagsuko mo naman ay may mas malaking posibilidad ka na binubuksan, just give yourself space to grow and just be optimistic on things. It’s just like the willingness to step back in order to take a greater step forward. ‘Di sa lahat ng oras dapat abante tayo, minsan talaga kailangan umatras. It’s a matter of acceptance and understanding, kung meron tayo nito siguradong walang problema.

Ewan ko ba bakit napaka gulo ng mundo, sinasabi ng iba LESS IS MORE, sabi din naman ng iba THE MORE THE MERRIER. Ano ba talaga? Siguro nga depende yan sa disposisyon ng isang tao. Maaring ang isang bagay ay tama sa akin ngunit mali sa iyo and the other way around, gaya ng sinasabi nila na minsan daw ang kaligayahan mo ay kalungkutan sa iba. Let me give you one concrete example, in a boxing match, sa bawat panalo ng manok(not literally) mo, ay pagkatalo naman ng kalaban nito. In short, ikaw nagbubunye sa tuwa ngunit ang kampo ng kalaban ay umiiyak naman sa lungkot. See the point? Iba-iba tayo ng opinion sa mga bagay-bagay sa mundong ito.

Ang tagal ko ring ‘di nakapagsulat kaya ito ako ngayon ang daming gustong sabihin, kung si Ma’am Gee ang pababasahin mo nito alam ko na anong sasabihin niya, NARROW DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS. Pero since ‘di naman pang.crossroads column tong sinusulat ko kaya ok lang, actually di ko pa nga alam anong gagawin ko dito eh. Maaring maging new blog post ko toh sa multiply account ko o note sa facebook, maari ding first blog entry ko sa Yahoo! Pulse, o blog post din after 2 years sa blogspot account ko. (sighs) ewan. Ang dami ko pang gustong sabihin pero mukhang inaantok na talaga ako eh. Ay! Di pala “mukhang”, inaantok na talaga ako. FYI, it’s quarter to one in the morning on my clock, akalain mo yun. Siguradong late na naman ako magigising bukas. Bahala na si batman. (laughs)

Matutulog na ako. Goodnight!

(from my multiply account, also posted as note in facebook)

embarking upon coping mechanism

I wake up every morning having some thoughts in mind; thoughts that I find so hard to elaborate, thoughts that would cloud my mind, thoughts that would leave me puzzled and bewildered. Maybe that’s the reason why I need to allocate time to be on my own and think things over (call it weird but its true!! I’m neither emo nor loner, that’s just ME). They call it “futile”, I call it “coping mechanism”. We don’t decide on it, it comes naturally, it comes arbitrarily.
What should I do first after waking up? Should I get my phone and check on the messages? Or should I start fixing myself? It’s a cliché; we are always prompted by these questions.
Different people have different coping mechanism, it depends upon the trail they are in, the environment they get used to, the people that surrounds them, but endpoint is we all need to cope up with the fast-pacing changes in life.
I always envy people who are strong enough to turn down every obstacle that comes their way. They are those people who had enough self-determination, those self-driven people. Do I belong to them? Indeed a hard question to answer. Do I? Can I fathom the circumstances waiting for me? Well, I REALLY DON’T KNOW.
Are they really strong? Or they are just acting to be? A thought coming from someone’s post in facebook. This made me think and made me grapple that some people are just really good in trouncing their true emotions, their feelings. Are they insensitive? Or are they fragile instead?
People that speaks their thoughts in mind, their problems, their queries, their feelings are those people whom you always see smiling. May they tell it on a bunch of friends or to an individual, that doesn’t matter, as long as they are letting their thoughts be heard. And thus, it makes them feel a lot better. In comparison to people who are not open on talking about their problems, you always see them baffled and on a deep concentration thinking about distant things. Those are people that longs to have someone to talk to but are reluctant to broaden their horizons, they are afraid to show their emotions, and they end up suffering for themselves. See the difference? See how they use their coping mechanism? Maybe that’s how they fathom with life’s surprises.
You don’t need to CRY just to show your emotions, and you don’t need to LAUGH just to show you’re happy, you can CRY even if you’re happy (tears of joy?) and you can LAUGH even if you’re sad (but people might think you’re insane… laughs). Do what you think is better! No one can dictate you of things that you need to do. And remember? No one knows what’s better for us aside from ourselves and our creator. So just go on, as long as you think things are doing great then pursue it. If hiding emotions will help you cope up with life’s demand, then (long pause…) GO, and if you’re happy telling random things just to alleviate the burden, then do it for your sake. Nothing’s really right or wrong in this life, it’s bound for us to discover, RIGHT things for us may seem wrong to anyone, or the other way around.
At the end of the day, its either we make it or fail. Those are the only choices, so would you choose to fall short in your journey? Would you afford it? Or would you triumph it all?
People that surround us now won’t stay longer; they need to find their own fate as we would find ours too. So use your coping mechanism to adapt with the coming changes. Use it wisely!

Random Thoughts on "GOODBYE"

After five months, I finally came out with a new post. Well, got a lot of stories to tell, random thoughts that I'm sure a lot of you could relate. Lets get it started!

A LOT OF THINGS HAS CHANGED IN FIVE MONTHS. Well, change is really constant, that's a genuine fact.

I always find myself struggling with words everytime I face the computer to start out a new article or post, it's just really hard to find the perfect words that would compliment what you really feel as of the moment. I think that's common to those who makes writing an outlet to let their feelings out, but not to all, some are just really damn good on it. Thus, I'm considering myself a novice in this field, that would justify it I guess.

I was asked one time by a friend "WHY PEOPLE ARE SAYING THAT GOODBYES ARE HARD?", and I was speechless for ten seconds, then I said "MAYBE BECAUSE GOODBYE MEANS END". Then at this very moment, I'm trying to figure out if what I said made any sense. Perhaps, it can mean both, it can be an end to something and a beginning for another thing, or it can simply be goodbye for now, see you later. I would like to consider both, in all cases, nobody knows what can happen next. ENDINGS ARE BEGINNINGS of BEAUTIFUL THINGS as the song says.

Life is indeed a continuous struggle for what is best and what you truly deserve. Something is in store for everyone of us, we should believe on that. In this voyage perhaps, we meet different people with different point of views, that's the point, we are different from each other as our thumbmarks differ from each one. People come and go, and we should see that as a reality, like yourself, they also need space to grow up and find their own fate, though it's hard, your only resort is to accept it. Acceptance will make all things better, trust me.

"Goodbyes are not the end, it's a circle you know, and it starts with one hello", a resounding lyric of the song ONE HELLO, life goes on.

Why is letting go so hard at times? Is it because of the attachment we have with the people around us? Or should it be because of the fear to lose them in the long run. Well, that's a very hard question, but I guess both are still acceptable. It's the FEAR and the ATTACHMENT combined.

My best learning in this life is that being honest will keep a burden lighter. I learned from it and thus, I would apply it to the coming days of my life (I should've learned it from the very start though). But why does being honest becomes hard sometimes? Maybe because you know that you would hurt other people by doing so, and that's why you will opt to keep it inside you. But that's not the best move, you just need to be true regardless of what other people would feel, it's like will you hurt them now or would you prolong their pain? I got the feeling now, and I understand it even deeper.

Life goes on and on and on. We meet different people and mingle with them, and eventually, we end up losing them. But you always have the venue to start another story, and you are the author of it, you make your own story, you chart it's plot, it's climax, and it's ending perhaps.

All things have endings: songs, movies, a construction of a house, everything, even life has an end. But you should always look on the brighter side of life, be an optimist who lives life like tomorrow will always come. (cue: MY BEST DAYS ARE AHEAD OF ME)

Remember that even in the word "GOODBYE", "good" is still there, that means good things are possible in goodbye, or even better things.

It's about you, it's your story, it's your song.




(from my multiply account)