a countdown of mixed thoughts

I just came home from Church, well, not actually in Church cause after I attended the mass, I and my HS classmate went to some of our other classmates' houses just to greet them a happy new year. Well, it is really evident that I have nothing to do right now that's why I'm trying to look for some fun in the internet, but it just came to my mind, " Why not write an article before this year ends?". Is it a good idea? Well, I don't know, but you can't stop me from sharing my thoughts this time.

I came to Church quite late (maybe 10 minutes late). But that was not the point there, I was bit excited for my classmate will hand me down the first Paulo Coelho book that I will be reading.

Now that I'm home, I can't even start reading it because of the noise (bad trip, bad timing).

What else can I say?

Oh....1 hour more, it's going to be 2009.

This year has been really a good year for me, though not all the things that happened in my life was all good (that's always the way it is). I met new bunch of friends. I was able to make it on the 1st semester as an Accountancy student. I was able to go to some of the places I had never gone before (like Camudmud and Sta. Cruz). I was able to rode BUS again, as I always wished. And a lot more.

New year is about to come, I will be hurdling a lot more of the challenges and obstacles set for me. Am I ready? Am I equipped with enough courage? Let us see.

I was laughing because of the many traditions my mom has been following annually. The 13 sphere fruits, the polka dots, the coins, the feng shui's, and the likes. It was not unusual, but it is still funny for my part. Is there really a need to comply with those? But I thhink, as long as you are not compromising your beliefs, then why not.

Honestly, I am quite sleepy now but I'm just trying to stay awake. I want to be awake until 12:00 or 1:00. I want to witness the things my neighbors had prepared to welcome the new year, the way they will make the noise. Though firecrackers are prohibited in our city now, still, we manage and we used our creativity on it, we set another ways of enjoying without putting ourselves in danger. That's a good point, I think. And I'm commending our City Mayor for that.

44 more minutes to go......

That's all I have before 2008 ends...

Till next year!!!!!

Box-Office

Just this evening (before the new year, 2009, begin), I checked the latest US Weekend Box-Office. It was really amazing. Seven Pounds had made it to the top ten, as well as Valkyrie, and I was really shocked seeing Doubt on number 10 (it should be at least on number 5 or 4), it has been about two weeks since it has been shown in US.

Anyways, here's what I got:
USA Weekend Box-Office Summary
Week of 26 December 2008

		Title	Weekend	Gross
		Marley and Me	$36.4M	$50.7M
		Bedtime Stories	$27.5M	$38M
		The Curious Case of Benjamin Button	$26.9M	$38.7M
		Valkyrie	$21M	$29.5M
		Yes Man	$16.7M	$49.8M
		Seven Pounds	$13.2M	$38.8M
		The Tale of Despereaux	$8.93M	$27.4M
		The Day the Earth Stood Still	$7.7M	$63.5M
		The Spirit	$6.46M	$10.3M
		Doubt	$5.34M	$8.48M

christmas fund-raising activity

The Holy Cross of Agdao Batch 2007-2008 (St. Matthew class) initiated a fund raising event for our brothers and sisters in need living in remote areas here in Mindanao. We planned this last quarter of the year (2008) and hopefully, initiate it Christmas next year. With hope in our hearts, we are seeking for any help from anyone whose willing to extend their helping hands to those in need. All of the members of the said fund raising activity initiated their different means of asking help from everyone.
We are accepting any form of donation, whether cash, used clothes, toys, canned goods, used belongings, and abovemost, moral support.
If you are interested and willing to help our advocacy, just leave a comment on this blog.
Thank You very much!
P.S. Tell your friends about this and let them help, too.

the downfall

Mental block as define by the American Psychology Organization is an informal term used to mean either repression of painful thoughts, or an inability to continue a train of thought, like in the case of writer's block.
This thing really sucks!
I was really having a bad time thinking about what happened to my exam in Philosophy101 and Management101 yesterday. I went to school by past 9:00 o'clock for the seminar, though I'm not a part of it, I still have to go to school since I have some commitments to fulfill. By roughly 9:45 a.m., the seminar started (both in the AC and in the AVR), I was assigned in the registration with three other department officers (She Ann, Vonn, and Honey), also with the two SA's from the BSA department (Angel and Grace). From that time onwards, I'm really trying to study and review my lessons on Philo101 and Mgt101. With the books on my hand, I'm trying to read and comprehend everything that was written in the book and in need to be memorize.
After lunch, I'm getting more tense, since my exam is getting closer (3 o'clock is my exam). Ate Angel (as I've mentioned, one of the two SA) also have this Philo1 class with the same teacher as I had. And on the same way, she would also take the exam. But as she shared to me, our teacher is not around and on an important obligation, I was really happy to hear that from her, though I've seen our teacher on stairs minute before she have told me about that. So, I'm confident enough, I left my book in the department with my bag and went to the corridors of TH401, and played word factory with Honey, Ton2x, Vonn, Jonathan, Toper, and the rest of the gang. And all of the sudden (maybe 30 minutes after 3, 3 o'clock which is supposed to be my Philo101 class), my Philo teacher surprisingly went inside the classroom with test papers on his hands (since my classroom in Philo is adjacent to the front of the corridor of TH401). With no reluctance, I rushed to the department to get my ball pen and went inside the classroom and TOOK THE EXAM.
Bullshits! It was.
I forgot almost everything that I've studied days before and hours before that (though not all). It was really a bad time.
But I still manage to answer some of the questions with sure answers.
Next to my Philo101 exam is my Mgt101 exam. As I expected, my teacher arrived just in the nick of time, not too early, nor late. So he distributed the test papers and we started answering it. And here's another BULLSHIT!!!!, for another interference. I haven't forgot the things that I've read but it seem that I can hardly concentrate with the exam.
Moving to the next happening, when I went to the AC to see if the seminar is done and took some pictures (since I was assigned to that), but as I went there, I've seen that no people are left there except the ones with me in the morning up to the afternoon, cleaning and fixing the classroom. One asked me, "KUMUSTA ANG EXAM?", and I answered "OK LANG, dili sayon, dili lisod", just to keep the disappointment on me. Pathetic isn't it?
--- Waiting for the results, wish me luck!! ---

christmases

It was quite a long time since I have wrote my last post (Pampering....). I was still using blogger that time. This is my first time to write a post in multiply, but nonetheless, it was all the same. I have rested using internet the past days for some certain reasons (except from being bored, but not that much!sounds defensive...). But now, I'm back to utter my piece again, to say some words, to speak and be heard (though you won't really hear it, just read). What's my next thought? Ahm......(thinking)...............(looking at the clouds even if there's none)....Ah!!
Christmas presents. Carolers. Christmas trees and lights. Christmas Parties. Those are just some of the manifestation of Christmas. But the past days, I haven't heard carolers sang their songs in front of our house, I haven't seen glittering lights that entangles the Christmas trees and those that outshone the streets on dark nights, and abovemost (and the saddest part of all), I haven't received any present yet (but it's ok, I understand). The downfall speaks. Is this all the outcome? Are there more coming? Will Christmas finally be removed on the calendar (Is it even possible?)?Will the spirit vanish it's way? What a spoiler is it....
Trying to think about the reason that never speak, and the hidden doubts behind every unfold. But I came out with nothing on me, no ideas at all.
Economic Recession on United States has been pointed as the reason. But why is the blame put on them? Yes, it can be possible because they are a powerful country and we are a third world country. So any failure that they faced and they will be facing, we will surely take our part on it. Going back, why does the blame be put on them? We should be responsible with our own problem. We shouldn't blame them all the time.
Few days from now, it will be Christmas day. How would we celebrate it this time? The usual way? Or the other way?
Have we think of those people, especially the kids who had never tried to celebrate Christmas all their lives? Have we think of their situation?
Christmas on it's true sense is something wider than we think it is. Even myself, doesn't have that concrete idea of the REAL spirit of Christmas. We should try to find it out. We should broaden our limits and set our sights farther than before.
We have few days left to prove our worth and change the usual way this season runs for every people. If you fail to do it this time, just if you fail, you have more Christmas ahead of you. But I'm telling you, the best time to start is NOW.
Christmas trees and lights, presents, and parties are just emblem of the celebration. What matters most is the celebration itself and the real spirit attached on it.
Is it really the recession or is it really US?
Now, you think!

Pampering the week through "TWILIGHT"

After the busy weekend, follows the grueling week of quizzes, assignments, activities and etc. It was really exhausting. Especially when I've learned that Mr. Robles (My teacher in Mgt101) conducted his class while the CPA Testimonial is going on in which I'm attending. I was really having a bad time thinking about that thing. Really.

But as the saying goes, "It's not always the usual way".

So I never expected great things to happen this week, really. I just have to live my student life the way I should be until my friends invited me to watch a movie, oh yeah, it's twilight. I insisted to watch bolt instead of twilight since I'm really eager to watch that movie since I've seen the trailer.

But due to the insistent public demand... (just kidding), I was forced to watch TWILIGHT since the ones with me will watch the said movie. That's why I go with them.

During and after the movie, there's only one thing I can say: The movie is good, though not that best.

My week was revived by the movie.

Thanks to that!

Next stop?? BOLT!!!!!!!!!

ang paboritong libro ni hudas

This is just short...

The book is really good.......
Hindi naman siya yong tipong makakadala ng paniniwala, depende na lang siguro yon sa nagbabasa.....
Like Shelu whom I've heard to be influenced by that said book....

l love the way Bob Ong conveyed his message through tagalog as the medium. Not the usual.

Ahm....what else can I say????

I think nothing more.....

I'm on my way reading all of His books...

3 more to go....


That's ALL!!

done with the other, got another one

  I find the book so hilarious when I was able to read the first page. It really made me curious.

I got home late, maybe past 12 midnight (but I was able to enter our house faster than the other night, when my mom locked the door..hehehe). Before I get to sleep, I tried to scan some of the pages of the book and look at it's pictures. I was really amazed by the story frame. So I went back to the first page and started reading the book. Without knowing, and without recognizing how time fleets, I was on the latter pages. That's how fun the book is. You will read it as fast as you can to know what will happen next (without knowing that you almost reach the end). I was able to finish the story in less than an hour with no interruptions. And all I can say is that, the story is fun even though it won't make that much sense at all at first read, but it is actually a deep connotation. It makes me forget my problems for the meantime --- the problems in my lessons (playing safe?).

 I just came from NBS. I bought a copy of "Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas", which was said to be the greatest book of the ever-fun Bob Ong. As what Kuya Owmeek and Kuya Joey said, the packaging was really great, it tells something which urges you to buy and read the book. I should have bought two, the other was "MacArthur", since it was cheaper (hehehehe..). My purpose is to read and somehow own Bob Ong books. But I was discouraged to hear that "MacArthur" is one of the lowest-selling books of Bob Ong. But I don't know if it was fun or great (I'll better ask them on Monday). If it is? I will probably borrow or buy a copy, just if it is fun.

P.S. If I will read all the books of Bob Ong, then, I have read it (I started a joke....). Seriously, I will tell you if he will be one of my favorite author, as if you mind, nyahahaiiii.

living like you're dying

I'm a man equipped with all the negative traits you don't wish to see on anyone else (especially those close to you). I mean it. I knew it. I admit it.

Slowly taking steps while walking is one way of preventing danger, I mean a precaution.

But what if you're on a rush?

Your on a hurry?

Would you still take same steps?

It's always on the representation that taking steps slowly will always give you a better outcome. ALWAYS. Is it really that way? Or it's another wrong impression?

I want to be fair, with myself, with others (especially those who are dear to me, friend or more than that), with the world. But why does it need to be this way? Why is there a need for the world to be imperfect and unfair?

All I feel is pain.

I can't say anything.

I'm back to being someone who's miserable, the one who always feel incomplete.

I'm not expecting this. And I've realized that I should have learn it more.

Things unveil before your very eyes, you can't do nothing to it.

It's all LIFE. That's LIFE. LIFE.

LAUGH THE TEARS, HIDE THE PAIN. LIVE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. LIVE LIKE IT'S YOUR LAST.

Prescription for a Broken Heart

Being heartbroken is a pain that no one can understand until they have experienced it for themselves. You obviously have, therefore are aware of how fragile your heart is right now. Healing a broken heart will take time, but is not impossible, though it may feel that way at the time. It is never an easy process to go through, but with the right prescription, you will be on your way to recovery and happiness again.

The first thing you should keep in mind is that it is okay to feel sad and grieve about what happened and that you are not stupid for doing so. It is perfectly normal to feel sad and cry after a break up. You have invested most of your time and all of your love and interest into your ex-partner; therefore will go through a sad and painful withdrawal. It is notable that you not grieve all on your own. Sure, there will be times when you will just want to be alone and undisturbed. However, it is important that you talk to your friends and family about it. Talking about it is not only healthy, but will mend your heart quicker because you will release the thoughts and facts that are hurting you so much. Seeking professional advice will be a great help to you as well because your mind will open up and see new perspectives and understandings of what happened. It will help you gather your strength, pick yourself up, and find the happiness you deserve to have.

Accepting the fact that you and your ex-partner are no longer together is a necessity if you are going to start mending your broken heart. If you catch yourself unable to function due to constantly thinking about your ex or repeatedly calling or visiting him or her for another chance, then chances are you are suffering from love addiction and should seek counseling. Discontinuing a serious relationship is emotionally challenging and can drive you to do things that are unhealthy for your self-being. To avoid entering such hazardous areas, keep yourself occupied. Go out with your friends and family to help get your mind off the break up. It is best to spend as less time alone as you can in the first few weeks of your breakup so that your emotions can slowly and patiently form back into their normal pattern.

Fight the thoughts that tell you that you are a failure and are to blame for the end of your relationship. When a relationship ends it means that the two of you were no longer compatible and that always takes two, not just you. Instead of beating yourself up over what has transpired, examine your ex-relationship by listing the things you enjoyed most about it and then the things that disappointed you and what you believe really caused the breakup. Look at the relationship as a learning experience and an opportunity to improve your relationship skills, and a way to realize what you truly need and want from a romantic relationship.

(http://www.love-sessions.com)

reading BOB ONG's

I am really into reading. I'm a big fan of english-fiction books, those from Dan Brown or Robert Ludlum. I also like reading business-related books (accounting books?maybe.), authored by Stephen Covey, Donald Trump Jr., or Robert Kiyosaki. Or books which are now a major motion picture (too many to mention). I just find satisfaction on reading those books. On other hand, I hate some books, especially Tagalog pocket books(boring....ZzzZzzZzzZZ).

Later this year, I found something interesting about an author (and his books, of course) from the mouths of my ate's and kuya's (BSA department). They really have a lot of good things to say about this brilliant "BOB ONG". First thought that comes to mind is BR books. Ong? Sounds Chinesse, right? And they're more on business, I supposed. I've heard numerous heresays about Ong's books (Stainless, Aba?, Alamat, Paboritong Libro ni Hudas.....and I forgot the others). Almost all elites of the department (Club Presidents, Actives, and the pambato's) have read the book and recommended it. So there is really something from it, I presumed.

Just this November 13 (Thursday), Ate Hannah (Gomez) lend me her "Stainless Longganisa". I am quite excited to read it, curious of what will I find out. So, I started reading it the time she handed it to me, but due to some interactions, I can't concentrate and ponder on what I'm reading(assignment here and hither, quizzes, reviews, and I went to sleep earlier than before), so, it doesn't gave me the time to comprehend the book (I mean the content).

This weekend, I have no class, assignments prompted me. But as eager to read the book, I've done all my homework the Friday night, so that Saturday will be a free day for me (Yehey!).

So as expected, I did finish reading the book by Saturday.
The book is different (to the extent that I haven't read something like it before). I thought it will evolve on only one story but I found it wrong. The story jumps from one set-up to another, one story to the other. Bob Ong is a writer who wrote what's inside him (even if it's not chronologically arranged), what he wanted to write. And that's what I like most about his book. I've learned from it.

(If the BobongPinoy was really published, I want to read it, seriously. I want to know his stand regarding political issues which I love dealing with.)

He shares to me what it takes to be a good writer, pondering on the thought, "You should aim to be a writer because you wanted to write, not because of the things it will bring unto you, not everyone has given the talent to write........"

Honestly, I'm really not into TAGALOG books (except those required on school, Noli Mi Tangere or El Filibusterismo either), I don't know what comes into my mind to give this book a try, besides, nothing's wrong with it.

But as a result?
I don't have any regrets at all. Promise!

Looking forward on reading another BO book, next time.
P.S. I can't tell now if I really love the way BO write his books, since it is only book that I've read. Maybe next time.

OVER and OVER

Yes, it is OVER!


OVER as to we're done? (not really, just a sort of asking time and space to think and realize)
It was last November 11 (supposedly our 1st monthsary) when we talked about our present situation and the possible solution to it. We talked about a lot of things before we landed on our main topic and after a long conversation and conveys, we decided to somehow stop what we had.
I wrote this to be a sort of outlet for how and what I truly felt that time and as to this moment. I feel so sorry for what I have done. I know that I did cause her pain, but all I think is that if I would make it longer, she might be hurt more. So, as earlier as possible, I've told her about the confusion of my heart.
I really have this bad luck in regards to having relatonships. Is it possible to be happy while you're in love? Then, the break-ups will fall on the date of your monthsary, do you know how it feels? Really stupid!

I know it was all my fault. I know I'm really stupid! I know I'm pathetic, insensitive! What else?
Stupid feeling!
I just want to be fair with myself and with people around me. But why does it have to be this hard? Is it really possible?

apologies

I'm sorry if I was not able to keep my promise of writing a new post after my escapade last November 7 (Ate Crenzy's Birthday). I am not in the good mood to write (and knowing that school is fast approaching after that adventure).

To sum it up (do I sound like not wanting to write my experience?hehehe), it was really great! That's all I can say.

Seriously, the night was filled with fun and laughter.

But before the story go there, here's how it started.

The assembly time was supposed to be 4 p.m.(Filipino Time). So as a proud Filipino, I arrived at UM Bolton at around 4:30 (at least not 1 hour late). As what Shelu(Ryan??) texted me, "Kaw na lang ang ginahulat, pagdali!". So as an "uto2x", I hurriedly went to the place and was amazed(???). Crenzy, Shelu, Kuya Ramil and his girlfriend, and Puppie are the only ones who were there. So the 4p.m. became 6:30 p.m.(hahahaizt....). But prior to that, it started raining, so as we went to our destination, the rain started to fall heavily.

So much of the bad experience (nabasa jud mi ug ulan, sayang lang wala si Hannah ug Jason, kay kung naa to sila, naa unta malipay sa amoa kahit papano..peace!), We arrived at WATERWORLD resort (am I right?? Is it a resort?). We had our dinner then sing along then "slide2x" at the pool.

And the rest was history (sa amoa na lang to, personal??hehehe...confidential??..pasensya na lang sa wala nakauban..nyahahai)


That's all!

Thanks You!

You're Welcome!

Hehehehehe...

breaking free

It's been a long time of me staying home the whole day (is it really long?). Setting aside the fact that our semestral break runs for about a month.

Bored.

Running out of fun.

It's really sad.

But what can I do? (SLEEP?) heheehhe

Been about 2 straight weeks of full rest, complete sleep, everything. But there's no fun on it. How I wish to have some past time that time (boring na kaayo sige'g atubang ug computer, tv, radyo, cellphone).........

I was really dumped with total sadness that time. I was confused. I was hurting. I was drowning.
Two weeks of no Cellphone, no text, no calls, nothing at all.

But this day, my luck changed. I will have another overnight with my new bunch of friends. Since it's Ate Crenzy's birthday. At exactly 4:00 p.m. this day, or should I say later, I will be going to UM Bolton (our assembly place). Hahahaiz, sa wakas! I will have another time to smile, laugh and talk. The things I don't usually do at home. That's the reason maybe why I'm excited (but not that much).

So, Gotta go. It's almost 4.

P.S. The day I'll be back from our adventure, I will write rightaway my surely fun experiences.

rEALitiEs bEyoND eXiSteNcE

The only thing constant in this world is "CHANGE".
Change that comes in any form, mostly on unexpected ways.
From the very start, we are aware of the changes occuring on our body, environment, personality, and everything under the sun. But one big question is, "Why is there a need for us to undergo change?"

The answer is given, very much given. But the only matter is that it is vague in its way, what I mean is that up to now, the concept of change is still not that much understood by everbody.

One thing I know for sure, change is for the better, it's our will if we make it the way it is to be or the way it is not meant to be.

Life faces change everyday, small or big, either ways are important for our learniing process.

Like the sun that sets every morning, our life started with ease and beauty. But it is not always expected to reign the day (or should I say, it is not expected to scorch it's heat everyday). Rain comes, storm blews, it brezzes our day, it embraces our strength to go on and live another day.

If sun rises, for sure it sets.

And as it sets, it unfolds unending beauty, a magical, spectacular downfall (not as we used to apprehend it). Rise and set, live and die, concept to concept, quo to quo. Whether we like it or not, sunsets are expected to come, it is sure to prevail by the end of the day.

So much of the goodbyes, I think its better to talk about the sweet mem'ries kept in our hearts. Yes, the memories that made us feel the real essence of living this life with the lifestyle we choose to follow. More that the material goods, luxuries, fame, super-stardom, wealth, being one of the A-listers, looking like a hollywood stars, living a king or queen-like life --- is FRIENDSHIP. Maybe it sounds so boring and OA but it's true. All the aforementioned are just temporary, but friendship can last (if we wanted).

As always, there's time for departure, for goodbyes (going back with the topic while ago). Whether we like it or not, it's inevitable, it exist.

But as flowers float on water, we can also widen our perception, reinvent our point of views. We can go somewhere else far than we oath to go. We just have to go with the flow, be with the wind,
bare with the world.


Times may be sometimes turbulent, or should I say unfair. But it's really how it goes (as I always said). But there's no reason for us to pout or be lonely, be alone. Because the world awaits us, the world wants us to be a part of it.

Goodbyes are always goodbyes. Change are change. But we should not forget to look back, smile and be proud of what we have went through. We became who we are at the present by the things we went through in the past.



Be strong!


Hold on!


Stay on track!


There is something meant for you, only for YOU!

confusions of love

How would you weigh things if you don't even know how to do so?

I'm confused.

I'm doubting.

I'm going crazy with what's going on my life.

It's unfair!

So bad!

I was wondering if I'm crazy or just really numb.

Why? For so many reasons pointing to my staus quo.

Here's the story,

Last August 10 (supposedly our 8th monthsary), my ex-girlfriend broke up with me for some certain reasons. And without further ado, I've accepted it, thinking that I could move on that easy. After that very moment, I haven't used my cellphone for the reason of forgetting. But as I never expected it, she sent me over 5 messages a day and trying to call me over and over again, leaving me at most 13 missed calls every night. It really brought me into realization, but I have ignored it for some reason. That same thing occured for almost 3 weeks (after we broke up). But for all her calls and messages, she haven't received any response from me. I don't know what goes on my mind to do it, but I know for a fact that it was my "PRIDE" that overshadowed me that time. Until my migraine bagged me again the 3rd time(but this time in school), my classmate texted her about what happened while I am rushed to the school clinic. That time, she was outside the school (waiting for some of her classmate to go somewhere else for a dress fitting, I don't know for what certain occasion), she haven't made it to the school regardless of how much she wanted since she was wearing civilian that time (that was base on what her friend told me), and what I appreciated there the most was that she rushed to a boarding house wherein her classmate (gay) is staying to ask for a school uniform that she can wear just to enter the school premise. But it was so unfortunate that she have not seen any. So she did text my mom instead and let my mom go to the school clinic as soon as possible. And my mom

(together with my dad) arrived at school by late 6 o'clock. They brought me home and let me rest there. All I can remember is that I fell asleep and the time that I woke up, I have seen her (staring at me), holding a glass of water. "Why are you here?", are the first words that I have uttered. And she answered me. I don't have any words that time to say, I don't know why, but my tongue seemed frozen. She either was speechless, so she opened her book (because the following day will be there long quiz in english as she have mentioned it), trying to find some ventilation of the light (since the lights are off in the room, cause when I'm having migraine attacks, I'm likely blinded by the light), she read her book. Until she uttered the words, "Please beh, tingog, storyaha pud ko pud bahalag nonesense lang", and this had really awaken me, so I spoke to her regarding what I felt. And we have talked about everything that we should talk about, that we almost forgot the time. She said to me, "kung nistorya pa lang ka ganina, ganina pa unta pud ko kauli, nakastudy pa unta kog tarong" which made me laugh in front of her and said "sagdi lang gud". Since it was late midnight (closely 12:30), I asked my dad to drive her home. When we arrived on their house, I was very surprised to see her mom waiting outside (but it's not the first time that I've met her mom), I knew that her mom knows about our break up so I am reluctant to greet her. But her mom nodded on my dad and so my dad did, and I've greeted her, "Hello Te", and she just smiled at me. Then I apologized for her going home late. I was so happy that time, for I have finally fixed the things that bothered me.

Since that time, we constantly texted each other for hi's, hello's, of course the "kumusta's", and a bit of story telling (the usual things we do when we were together).

So after that, we often got to see each other for some get aways with our highschool classmates and some other important talks.

I forgot what happened then, but we have stopped texting each other.

But behind the other side of this story, is another girl.

I've met her during BSA-Freshies' Day practice for a search which will be conducted the following day. She was in green that time which caught my attention (for those who didn't know, green is my favorite color). She was the one who choreographed the dance that we will be performing in the contest (I was really forced to dance that time eventhough I ultimately hate dancing).

The next day was the contest, so it happens. And as unexpected as it could be, I was announced as the winner, but that was not my favorite part, it was when she asked me for a picture and kissed me after. I was really like floating in heaven that time being kissed by someone like her.

After that, I got her number from someone close to her and we texted each other often. But it stopped for reasons I don't know.

Until, we are paired in the Intramurals for some Department presentation and it was another bonding time again. Then, we are back texting each other and changing sweet thoughts about each other.

As fast as it came, we tend to have each others' company as often as before. Then, I have knew that someone is courting her (straight from her) and she told me some things about her present condition (love/heart condition I mean).

Then one night, I was fierce enough to tell her how and what I felt. (But let that part be ours personally.)

So, we became "mag-uyab" and the rest is history.

Here's the twist which I really haven't expected,

I got the chance to change text messages with one of my highschool classmates who is somehow close to my ex-girlfriend and she told me that my ex-gf is still in love with me. I have not believed on that statement so I just ignored it. Di ba? Ang gwapo ko lang? Hehe

October 23, her Birthday. I've texted her and greeted her. And despite her busy time that moment entertaining her guests in their house, she still manage to reply on my SMS saying "thank you".

The following day, the very moment I woke up, I checked my phone and found a text message saying, "Sayang gani kay naghulat pa ko, abi ko'g pwede pa mabalik, pero sala man nako kay nagpakatanga ko ug hinulat, salamat sa tanan ha,". I was really moved by that and I don't know what to feel. But I just ignored it, knowing that I am committed to someone.

She found out about my new girlfriend and asked me about it (through text) and I don't know (again) why I can't text her back with an answer to her query. But this is the last SMS I received from her, "Naa na diay ka bag-o, warj? Hehehe, wala man ko nimo giingnan. SORRY!".

Recently, just this morning, my new gf texted me saying that she thinks my ex-gf is still in love with me. Hurriedly, I asked her why she think of that, and she never gave me the answer to my question.

That's why I'm confused!

I don't know.

Do I still love my ex-gf?

or

I'm done with her?

Do I really love my new gf?

or

I'm just trying to run away from my past through her?

I don't want to be unfair with myself and of course to both of them.

How should I face this now?

This is really bad!

So BAD!

when LOVE meets PAIN

Being in a relationship entails so much of hardwork (hardwork which we often associate with almost everything), patience, respect, and love. Setting aside lust and selfishness.

First, you fall in love with someone in the most unexpected way. Then, you'll get closer to each other, became close/good friends, share a lot of things together, then next? Enter the wonderful but complicated world of love. Days will be shared together, sweet thoughts will be sent through SMS, e-mails, love letters, or the most common way (FRIENDSTER COMMENT or TESTIMONIAL), sweet gestures will be manifested, words like " I LOVE YOU" and "I MISS YOU" will be said to each other. How wonderful it is, right? But that doesn't end there, life is never constant, so there enters the "LQ's" or misunderstandings, serious arguements, clashing of ideas and contrasting beliefs. And that very moment, one will tend to forget that he/she loved that someone.

There, PAIN will be realized. But, you have to go on with your life, find yourself and retain the happiness you had before.

In other words,



"MOVE ON"



Living by so much pain brought by your past is really one of the hardest things in this life.

Pain which causes you to drown yourself in tears whole night long thinking if there's tomorrow waiting for you. Pain which brings you so much of a nightmare, a terrible nightmare. Pain which leaves you a scar of a lifetime.

How will you move on if you're still hurting?

Is moving on possible this way?



Heart is fragile, it breaks
into pieces

AT LAST

"No man is an island"


"Man cannot stand alone"

"The more, the merrier"

Any other thought that would contrast to what I believed in (or should I say to "how I used to live my life)?

Yes, I'm not used to believe on those ideas. Why? I don't know. Maybe because of the mere fact that I'm used to be with myself, and myself alone.

I don't believe in friendship cause I don't have any then (aside from my family and relatives). But I know for a fact that I'm looking for some whom I can call that way or the other. I never think that life is boring without someone to talk to, to share some thoughts with, to laugh and maybe cry with. Until I face the biggest struggle of my life (so far), there I've realized that I needed someone to talk to, someone who can dare to listen with my endless worries and fears.

That exact moment, I was introduced to the concept of friendship. It was my time to explore it's world, to know it's beauty and to reach it's limits and boundaries.

But my doubts and questions interfered beyond that moment: What if I got OP? How will I start proper friendship? Can I make friends without talking that much?... A lot of questions bothered me for long. But as reluctant as I was that time, I still manage to advance one step.

A start of something new, maybe it was.

Friendship comes with no price, with no condition, no speculation, prevailing no high expectations. That's how I knew it. That's how I foresee it.

I found friends and became a friend to them, doing everything that I can just to fulfill my worth as a friend. Extending a hand, giving advice, accompanying, and being the "best" friend this world can have. But as life unveils in reality, everything won't turn out the way we expected it to be. That's life I supposed. That's how unfair life goes for people. Friends (as I consider them) had never treat me the way I treated them (as friends). But I've learned from it and I will always remember those lessons.

From that time, I had never give my full trust to friends. But to some, maybe almost, but not really the full trust I had given to those who betrayed me first.

So much of my dark past in friendship matters, I think I have to broaden my capabilities to understand this time and "makisama" or "makisabay sa flow". That's how I should deal with it this time without setting aside the intentions of making GENUINE friendship.

Presently, I'm enjoying the company of some people. Though sometimes feeling "OP", still I appreciated the way they treat me (likely a part of the group). But as time and time evolves, I'm getting more loose being with them(I can laugh, talk, "manira ug mga tirahonon", give a dumb joke, play, eat, sing, drink, sleep and get along with them more and more). The "OP" factor slightly vanished.

Now, I've learned a lot of things like the expressions: UNYA, PRETI NAKA?, KA FEEL KA? and a lot more. They've knew about some of my ups and downs (when I lost my money that it seemed okay with me kay sige ra ko'g katawa, when my mom scolded me the day I went home so late and let me wash my clothes, when I fell in the "sapa" of Sta. Cruz over and over again, funny right?, when I got good grades), all of those.

"A close of door is an opening of a window"

"Every end faces a new beginning"

or in other words..

"Endings are beginnings"


Yes, maybe that's right.
I found friends and hoping they call me the same.


I hope that the OP factor will somehow be irradiated.
I hope that I can share them my stories with no doubts and reluctance.
I hope when problem comes, I can count on them.
I hope I can ask them for healthy advices.
I hope I can be with there company as long as they want me to be.
I hope they're happy that I'm a part of there group now.


and lastly,


I hope to utter the words " AT LAST", that I finally found the ones whom I can call REAL FRIENDS.

To the following people:

• Ate Hannah
• Kuya Owmeek
• Puppie
• Ate Arpenne
• Kuya Toper
• Kuya Arjay
• Kuya Ramil
• Kuya Joey
• Shelu
• Kuya Owen
• Jason
• Yorz
• Te Daisy
• Ate Gleeven
• Ma'am J
• Ate Pia
• Kuya Lloyd
• Ate Curlie
• Ate Crenzy

"THANK YOU" ARE MY ONLY WORDS.

So sick; sick of the fun

After a week-long vacation from Samal to Sta. Cruz, Davao del Sur, the overnights, the pillow fight, the swimming, the ninja(2x) stunts, the joyrides, the card games, bull sessions, sharing of thoughts, "generosity" moments, singing bee-like videoke blues, and all the fun we went through, I've finally reach the time to rest.

So bad to say that I'm suffering from fever as of the moment. Maybe because of the almost-sleepless nights, or maybe it has been just triggered by my cough (few days ago).

Going back to the topic, yes, it was really a fun-filled week. Not to mention the other first-ever-things I've tried during that span of time. But as it was never been expected, some happening had occured putting fun the 2nd thought (I mean, the "nakawan"), and as unexpected as it was, I was one of those whom you can call a victim of that erring occurence. But it never stopped the fun and thrill, we continued what we have started and set aside those "nakawan" memories.

Have you ever imagine 5 days, with Accountancy Students, with different and enticing places, good disposition, thinking only fun? Well, it resulted to an out of this world escapades, zero boring moments and 100% fun.

And as a personal experience, regardless of being a first-time to be with them on an out-of-town functions, and as Shelu said, "The newest addition to the group", all I can say is that it was all PRICELESS, really. Learning all the newest expression I thought I could never utter all my life, being with people I never expected to hang out with, doing things I thought I can't, sharing thoughts I kept for myself(as I always do before), and above all: FINDING NEW SET OF PEOPLE WHOM I CAN CALL FRIENDS(emooooo).

Number has never been an issue in our jaunt, I mean, despite of the number of people who took part on that vacation spree, still we arrived on the highest level of fun. 12 different individuals who did not refuse to continue the fun from the "samal adventure" to Sta. Cruz, Davao del Sur: Kuya Owmeek, Kuya Ramil, Kuya Arjay, Ate Hannah, Kuya Toper, Ate Arpenne, Shelu, Yorz, Kuya Owen, Jason, Puppie, and Kuya Joey.

It was really fun. Super fun. As a proof that I had really enjoyed it, this is my first time to write and publish such article like this. Usually, I just write and keep it to myself or throw it either.

Enumerating all the experiences I've encountered has never been this fun.

That's the reason why I'm inspired to write this article despite of my present condition(murag kamatyonon? Hehehehe).

Being sick is not what matters here, but the memories I have together with this fever(emoooo part 2).

Wow, that experience was the best! It was awesome!

Going Back; back to where I started.

I used to ignore my blog(I mean this blog) since I and my ex-girlfriend went our separate ways.

Only I and my ex-girlfriend share the articles written in this blog, I wrote and post articles and she often reads it. That's the flow.

Since the time we broke up, I forgot to visit and upate this blog(you can see it with my last post, it's dated June and what month is it now?? See?).

But now, I'm back(not with a vengeance but with something new to share). Share? Not really, cause I created this blog just for me to write something I can't tell people about(for those who knew how moody and loner I was, you know what I wanted to say). And since new set of people had found out my blog, it would be a shame on my part if I will create various grammar mistakes that I've done on my previous posts(but I can't really promise to perfect it all, I just have to try my best).

I also think that maybe(just maybe), this is the right time for people to know who really I am(Why I'm sometimes quiet, or should I say "why I'm unpredictable").

It is really a hard thing for me to talk about how I felt(my emotions), what I'm going through, and what I wanted to tell everyone around me(Being alone is my hobby, really, seriously.) Before, I can live not talking the whole day, just doing my daily routines(in School and at Home) not uttering any single word. I'm really serious with that. But I've learned to socialize, make friends, bond, hang out, and above most: TALK.

Now, I'm slowly trying to figure out my purpose in life. What's the reason of my existence(but other may say that it's too early for me to, I'm so young and I should enjoy life as of the moment), but that's not the way I used to live my life, I work things sooner as I can. I don't want to be caged by pressure(in the nick of time).

I'm just really hoping that everyday would turn out good for me. Helping me survive my everyday struggles. Helping me make people understand that I'm just being me(the serious unpredictable, the loner, the emo as they try to call me). Helping me to be a better person.

Kung Fu Panda

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift, that's why it's called present.

- Oogway

Masterpiece

When we paint or draw, we always start from scratch, totally nothing; nothing at all. We have to complete every detail of our piece step by step, slowly and surely. Until we get what we want to achieve.

This way is similar with how life goes. It is a blank canvass which we need to accomplish. Day by day we are compelling every detail, for we know someday it will give vibrance to it's upshot. For we know this will make us feel happy and fulfilled.

My life is never been a masterpiece as La Pieta of Leonardo da Vinci had become, nor Michaelangelo's masterpiece. It is just a simple abstract which entails so much of reality. An abstract covered with dark and light colors trying to cover each other. An abstract made by undefined thoughts.

I started it with a simple dot which now became the center of the masterpiece. That dot symbolizes my doubts whether which way to go or what path to take. But that dot had made me who I am today. That dot had finally turned into a star. A masterpiece.

I draw a line and color it black. It is parallel to the dot that i've first made. It represents the wall that I've made for myself, the wall which set me apart from the entities of life.

That's how I started it. But if you would try to ask me how I continued it? That's a question I don't know how to answer, cause if you tried to look at the picture now, it is full of shapes, lines, colors and everything. Starting from a dot and a line there came a masterpiece of a lifetime. A masterpiece that no one can imitate, even Leonardo da Vinci and Michaelangelo.

But the problem now is how should I polish my masterpiece. How should I end it in such way that it will really be a masterpiece? HOW?

Taking PAIN

No matter how I tried to refuse..
still you find your way to me..
Even if I hide..
still you knock on my door consistently..
I'm afraid because of the pain..
but persistently, I'm encouraged by the pleasure and joy...
Others said, I shouldn't feel this cause I'm a man and only woman should fear to be hurt..
but we're of the same emotion..
each one can be hurt in the same manner as others do...
so no one is entitled to say that only woman is unrestricted to grieve and to feel that enormous pain...

Try to look back..
Try to realize..
And you'll see what I mean!

Precious YOU

If you tried to scan pages of your lives, you would find spots that would make you remember scratches that made you who you are now. Inner capacities that molded you firmly in your way reaching success.


Reinstating every mere hardship into victory is likely turning stone into gold.


Life had always been unfair, and they said, we should get use to it. If you want a certain thing, it doesn't always mean you'll gonna get it. And when you pray for something that you don't want to happen to you, there is always that 50:50 possibility of occurence.


Know the real phenomenon behind this?


Simply because things that we don't have make us realize that we are not perfect and we can't afford to have all the goods and means of this world. And either ways, things that we had make us better and content.


Being who we are doesn't mean being whom we wanted to be, but just simply being the way we used to be. The real us, our true color. Luxury isn't a way of showing the face behind every mask. Struggles will tell the real entity that unfolds in every life.


We can make the world better, by simply being the real us! Thats what the world needs!

The truth, not the fake.

The real, not the masked.

It's you not the others!!

YOU!

and always be YOU!