rEALitiEs bEyoND eXiSteNcE

The only thing constant in this world is "CHANGE".
Change that comes in any form, mostly on unexpected ways.
From the very start, we are aware of the changes occuring on our body, environment, personality, and everything under the sun. But one big question is, "Why is there a need for us to undergo change?"

The answer is given, very much given. But the only matter is that it is vague in its way, what I mean is that up to now, the concept of change is still not that much understood by everbody.

One thing I know for sure, change is for the better, it's our will if we make it the way it is to be or the way it is not meant to be.

Life faces change everyday, small or big, either ways are important for our learniing process.

Like the sun that sets every morning, our life started with ease and beauty. But it is not always expected to reign the day (or should I say, it is not expected to scorch it's heat everyday). Rain comes, storm blews, it brezzes our day, it embraces our strength to go on and live another day.

If sun rises, for sure it sets.

And as it sets, it unfolds unending beauty, a magical, spectacular downfall (not as we used to apprehend it). Rise and set, live and die, concept to concept, quo to quo. Whether we like it or not, sunsets are expected to come, it is sure to prevail by the end of the day.

So much of the goodbyes, I think its better to talk about the sweet mem'ries kept in our hearts. Yes, the memories that made us feel the real essence of living this life with the lifestyle we choose to follow. More that the material goods, luxuries, fame, super-stardom, wealth, being one of the A-listers, looking like a hollywood stars, living a king or queen-like life --- is FRIENDSHIP. Maybe it sounds so boring and OA but it's true. All the aforementioned are just temporary, but friendship can last (if we wanted).

As always, there's time for departure, for goodbyes (going back with the topic while ago). Whether we like it or not, it's inevitable, it exist.

But as flowers float on water, we can also widen our perception, reinvent our point of views. We can go somewhere else far than we oath to go. We just have to go with the flow, be with the wind,
bare with the world.


Times may be sometimes turbulent, or should I say unfair. But it's really how it goes (as I always said). But there's no reason for us to pout or be lonely, be alone. Because the world awaits us, the world wants us to be a part of it.

Goodbyes are always goodbyes. Change are change. But we should not forget to look back, smile and be proud of what we have went through. We became who we are at the present by the things we went through in the past.



Be strong!


Hold on!


Stay on track!


There is something meant for you, only for YOU!

confusions of love

How would you weigh things if you don't even know how to do so?

I'm confused.

I'm doubting.

I'm going crazy with what's going on my life.

It's unfair!

So bad!

I was wondering if I'm crazy or just really numb.

Why? For so many reasons pointing to my staus quo.

Here's the story,

Last August 10 (supposedly our 8th monthsary), my ex-girlfriend broke up with me for some certain reasons. And without further ado, I've accepted it, thinking that I could move on that easy. After that very moment, I haven't used my cellphone for the reason of forgetting. But as I never expected it, she sent me over 5 messages a day and trying to call me over and over again, leaving me at most 13 missed calls every night. It really brought me into realization, but I have ignored it for some reason. That same thing occured for almost 3 weeks (after we broke up). But for all her calls and messages, she haven't received any response from me. I don't know what goes on my mind to do it, but I know for a fact that it was my "PRIDE" that overshadowed me that time. Until my migraine bagged me again the 3rd time(but this time in school), my classmate texted her about what happened while I am rushed to the school clinic. That time, she was outside the school (waiting for some of her classmate to go somewhere else for a dress fitting, I don't know for what certain occasion), she haven't made it to the school regardless of how much she wanted since she was wearing civilian that time (that was base on what her friend told me), and what I appreciated there the most was that she rushed to a boarding house wherein her classmate (gay) is staying to ask for a school uniform that she can wear just to enter the school premise. But it was so unfortunate that she have not seen any. So she did text my mom instead and let my mom go to the school clinic as soon as possible. And my mom

(together with my dad) arrived at school by late 6 o'clock. They brought me home and let me rest there. All I can remember is that I fell asleep and the time that I woke up, I have seen her (staring at me), holding a glass of water. "Why are you here?", are the first words that I have uttered. And she answered me. I don't have any words that time to say, I don't know why, but my tongue seemed frozen. She either was speechless, so she opened her book (because the following day will be there long quiz in english as she have mentioned it), trying to find some ventilation of the light (since the lights are off in the room, cause when I'm having migraine attacks, I'm likely blinded by the light), she read her book. Until she uttered the words, "Please beh, tingog, storyaha pud ko pud bahalag nonesense lang", and this had really awaken me, so I spoke to her regarding what I felt. And we have talked about everything that we should talk about, that we almost forgot the time. She said to me, "kung nistorya pa lang ka ganina, ganina pa unta pud ko kauli, nakastudy pa unta kog tarong" which made me laugh in front of her and said "sagdi lang gud". Since it was late midnight (closely 12:30), I asked my dad to drive her home. When we arrived on their house, I was very surprised to see her mom waiting outside (but it's not the first time that I've met her mom), I knew that her mom knows about our break up so I am reluctant to greet her. But her mom nodded on my dad and so my dad did, and I've greeted her, "Hello Te", and she just smiled at me. Then I apologized for her going home late. I was so happy that time, for I have finally fixed the things that bothered me.

Since that time, we constantly texted each other for hi's, hello's, of course the "kumusta's", and a bit of story telling (the usual things we do when we were together).

So after that, we often got to see each other for some get aways with our highschool classmates and some other important talks.

I forgot what happened then, but we have stopped texting each other.

But behind the other side of this story, is another girl.

I've met her during BSA-Freshies' Day practice for a search which will be conducted the following day. She was in green that time which caught my attention (for those who didn't know, green is my favorite color). She was the one who choreographed the dance that we will be performing in the contest (I was really forced to dance that time eventhough I ultimately hate dancing).

The next day was the contest, so it happens. And as unexpected as it could be, I was announced as the winner, but that was not my favorite part, it was when she asked me for a picture and kissed me after. I was really like floating in heaven that time being kissed by someone like her.

After that, I got her number from someone close to her and we texted each other often. But it stopped for reasons I don't know.

Until, we are paired in the Intramurals for some Department presentation and it was another bonding time again. Then, we are back texting each other and changing sweet thoughts about each other.

As fast as it came, we tend to have each others' company as often as before. Then, I have knew that someone is courting her (straight from her) and she told me some things about her present condition (love/heart condition I mean).

Then one night, I was fierce enough to tell her how and what I felt. (But let that part be ours personally.)

So, we became "mag-uyab" and the rest is history.

Here's the twist which I really haven't expected,

I got the chance to change text messages with one of my highschool classmates who is somehow close to my ex-girlfriend and she told me that my ex-gf is still in love with me. I have not believed on that statement so I just ignored it. Di ba? Ang gwapo ko lang? Hehe

October 23, her Birthday. I've texted her and greeted her. And despite her busy time that moment entertaining her guests in their house, she still manage to reply on my SMS saying "thank you".

The following day, the very moment I woke up, I checked my phone and found a text message saying, "Sayang gani kay naghulat pa ko, abi ko'g pwede pa mabalik, pero sala man nako kay nagpakatanga ko ug hinulat, salamat sa tanan ha,". I was really moved by that and I don't know what to feel. But I just ignored it, knowing that I am committed to someone.

She found out about my new girlfriend and asked me about it (through text) and I don't know (again) why I can't text her back with an answer to her query. But this is the last SMS I received from her, "Naa na diay ka bag-o, warj? Hehehe, wala man ko nimo giingnan. SORRY!".

Recently, just this morning, my new gf texted me saying that she thinks my ex-gf is still in love with me. Hurriedly, I asked her why she think of that, and she never gave me the answer to my question.

That's why I'm confused!

I don't know.

Do I still love my ex-gf?

or

I'm done with her?

Do I really love my new gf?

or

I'm just trying to run away from my past through her?

I don't want to be unfair with myself and of course to both of them.

How should I face this now?

This is really bad!

So BAD!

when LOVE meets PAIN

Being in a relationship entails so much of hardwork (hardwork which we often associate with almost everything), patience, respect, and love. Setting aside lust and selfishness.

First, you fall in love with someone in the most unexpected way. Then, you'll get closer to each other, became close/good friends, share a lot of things together, then next? Enter the wonderful but complicated world of love. Days will be shared together, sweet thoughts will be sent through SMS, e-mails, love letters, or the most common way (FRIENDSTER COMMENT or TESTIMONIAL), sweet gestures will be manifested, words like " I LOVE YOU" and "I MISS YOU" will be said to each other. How wonderful it is, right? But that doesn't end there, life is never constant, so there enters the "LQ's" or misunderstandings, serious arguements, clashing of ideas and contrasting beliefs. And that very moment, one will tend to forget that he/she loved that someone.

There, PAIN will be realized. But, you have to go on with your life, find yourself and retain the happiness you had before.

In other words,



"MOVE ON"



Living by so much pain brought by your past is really one of the hardest things in this life.

Pain which causes you to drown yourself in tears whole night long thinking if there's tomorrow waiting for you. Pain which brings you so much of a nightmare, a terrible nightmare. Pain which leaves you a scar of a lifetime.

How will you move on if you're still hurting?

Is moving on possible this way?



Heart is fragile, it breaks
into pieces

AT LAST

"No man is an island"


"Man cannot stand alone"

"The more, the merrier"

Any other thought that would contrast to what I believed in (or should I say to "how I used to live my life)?

Yes, I'm not used to believe on those ideas. Why? I don't know. Maybe because of the mere fact that I'm used to be with myself, and myself alone.

I don't believe in friendship cause I don't have any then (aside from my family and relatives). But I know for a fact that I'm looking for some whom I can call that way or the other. I never think that life is boring without someone to talk to, to share some thoughts with, to laugh and maybe cry with. Until I face the biggest struggle of my life (so far), there I've realized that I needed someone to talk to, someone who can dare to listen with my endless worries and fears.

That exact moment, I was introduced to the concept of friendship. It was my time to explore it's world, to know it's beauty and to reach it's limits and boundaries.

But my doubts and questions interfered beyond that moment: What if I got OP? How will I start proper friendship? Can I make friends without talking that much?... A lot of questions bothered me for long. But as reluctant as I was that time, I still manage to advance one step.

A start of something new, maybe it was.

Friendship comes with no price, with no condition, no speculation, prevailing no high expectations. That's how I knew it. That's how I foresee it.

I found friends and became a friend to them, doing everything that I can just to fulfill my worth as a friend. Extending a hand, giving advice, accompanying, and being the "best" friend this world can have. But as life unveils in reality, everything won't turn out the way we expected it to be. That's life I supposed. That's how unfair life goes for people. Friends (as I consider them) had never treat me the way I treated them (as friends). But I've learned from it and I will always remember those lessons.

From that time, I had never give my full trust to friends. But to some, maybe almost, but not really the full trust I had given to those who betrayed me first.

So much of my dark past in friendship matters, I think I have to broaden my capabilities to understand this time and "makisama" or "makisabay sa flow". That's how I should deal with it this time without setting aside the intentions of making GENUINE friendship.

Presently, I'm enjoying the company of some people. Though sometimes feeling "OP", still I appreciated the way they treat me (likely a part of the group). But as time and time evolves, I'm getting more loose being with them(I can laugh, talk, "manira ug mga tirahonon", give a dumb joke, play, eat, sing, drink, sleep and get along with them more and more). The "OP" factor slightly vanished.

Now, I've learned a lot of things like the expressions: UNYA, PRETI NAKA?, KA FEEL KA? and a lot more. They've knew about some of my ups and downs (when I lost my money that it seemed okay with me kay sige ra ko'g katawa, when my mom scolded me the day I went home so late and let me wash my clothes, when I fell in the "sapa" of Sta. Cruz over and over again, funny right?, when I got good grades), all of those.

"A close of door is an opening of a window"

"Every end faces a new beginning"

or in other words..

"Endings are beginnings"


Yes, maybe that's right.
I found friends and hoping they call me the same.


I hope that the OP factor will somehow be irradiated.
I hope that I can share them my stories with no doubts and reluctance.
I hope when problem comes, I can count on them.
I hope I can ask them for healthy advices.
I hope I can be with there company as long as they want me to be.
I hope they're happy that I'm a part of there group now.


and lastly,


I hope to utter the words " AT LAST", that I finally found the ones whom I can call REAL FRIENDS.

To the following people:

• Ate Hannah
• Kuya Owmeek
• Puppie
• Ate Arpenne
• Kuya Toper
• Kuya Arjay
• Kuya Ramil
• Kuya Joey
• Shelu
• Kuya Owen
• Jason
• Yorz
• Te Daisy
• Ate Gleeven
• Ma'am J
• Ate Pia
• Kuya Lloyd
• Ate Curlie
• Ate Crenzy

"THANK YOU" ARE MY ONLY WORDS.

So sick; sick of the fun

After a week-long vacation from Samal to Sta. Cruz, Davao del Sur, the overnights, the pillow fight, the swimming, the ninja(2x) stunts, the joyrides, the card games, bull sessions, sharing of thoughts, "generosity" moments, singing bee-like videoke blues, and all the fun we went through, I've finally reach the time to rest.

So bad to say that I'm suffering from fever as of the moment. Maybe because of the almost-sleepless nights, or maybe it has been just triggered by my cough (few days ago).

Going back to the topic, yes, it was really a fun-filled week. Not to mention the other first-ever-things I've tried during that span of time. But as it was never been expected, some happening had occured putting fun the 2nd thought (I mean, the "nakawan"), and as unexpected as it was, I was one of those whom you can call a victim of that erring occurence. But it never stopped the fun and thrill, we continued what we have started and set aside those "nakawan" memories.

Have you ever imagine 5 days, with Accountancy Students, with different and enticing places, good disposition, thinking only fun? Well, it resulted to an out of this world escapades, zero boring moments and 100% fun.

And as a personal experience, regardless of being a first-time to be with them on an out-of-town functions, and as Shelu said, "The newest addition to the group", all I can say is that it was all PRICELESS, really. Learning all the newest expression I thought I could never utter all my life, being with people I never expected to hang out with, doing things I thought I can't, sharing thoughts I kept for myself(as I always do before), and above all: FINDING NEW SET OF PEOPLE WHOM I CAN CALL FRIENDS(emooooo).

Number has never been an issue in our jaunt, I mean, despite of the number of people who took part on that vacation spree, still we arrived on the highest level of fun. 12 different individuals who did not refuse to continue the fun from the "samal adventure" to Sta. Cruz, Davao del Sur: Kuya Owmeek, Kuya Ramil, Kuya Arjay, Ate Hannah, Kuya Toper, Ate Arpenne, Shelu, Yorz, Kuya Owen, Jason, Puppie, and Kuya Joey.

It was really fun. Super fun. As a proof that I had really enjoyed it, this is my first time to write and publish such article like this. Usually, I just write and keep it to myself or throw it either.

Enumerating all the experiences I've encountered has never been this fun.

That's the reason why I'm inspired to write this article despite of my present condition(murag kamatyonon? Hehehehe).

Being sick is not what matters here, but the memories I have together with this fever(emoooo part 2).

Wow, that experience was the best! It was awesome!

Going Back; back to where I started.

I used to ignore my blog(I mean this blog) since I and my ex-girlfriend went our separate ways.

Only I and my ex-girlfriend share the articles written in this blog, I wrote and post articles and she often reads it. That's the flow.

Since the time we broke up, I forgot to visit and upate this blog(you can see it with my last post, it's dated June and what month is it now?? See?).

But now, I'm back(not with a vengeance but with something new to share). Share? Not really, cause I created this blog just for me to write something I can't tell people about(for those who knew how moody and loner I was, you know what I wanted to say). And since new set of people had found out my blog, it would be a shame on my part if I will create various grammar mistakes that I've done on my previous posts(but I can't really promise to perfect it all, I just have to try my best).

I also think that maybe(just maybe), this is the right time for people to know who really I am(Why I'm sometimes quiet, or should I say "why I'm unpredictable").

It is really a hard thing for me to talk about how I felt(my emotions), what I'm going through, and what I wanted to tell everyone around me(Being alone is my hobby, really, seriously.) Before, I can live not talking the whole day, just doing my daily routines(in School and at Home) not uttering any single word. I'm really serious with that. But I've learned to socialize, make friends, bond, hang out, and above most: TALK.

Now, I'm slowly trying to figure out my purpose in life. What's the reason of my existence(but other may say that it's too early for me to, I'm so young and I should enjoy life as of the moment), but that's not the way I used to live my life, I work things sooner as I can. I don't want to be caged by pressure(in the nick of time).

I'm just really hoping that everyday would turn out good for me. Helping me survive my everyday struggles. Helping me make people understand that I'm just being me(the serious unpredictable, the loner, the emo as they try to call me). Helping me to be a better person.